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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27215974">How will I rest my head</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaynebula/pseuds/gaynebula'>gaynebula</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Writing prompts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Druck | SKAM (Germany)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Davenzi, Depression, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:40:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,906</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27215974</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaynebula/pseuds/gaynebula</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Matteo is pretty sure he's in love, with everything still feeling bright and new - that's why, when he feels himself slip into another depressive episode, his first instinct is to hide it, in fear of how David would look at him if he knew.</p><p>for the prompt: Matteo is in a depressive episode, but he doesn't want David to know? So he just ignores David's messages, calls and all. And David worries and just wants to see his sweetheart but he thinks he is mad and it's a mess and Matteo is ashamed of everything. (Which he doesn't need to!!)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matteo Florenzi/David Schreibner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Writing prompts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How will I rest my head</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you for sending me prompts, it makes it much easier for me to get back into writing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Matteo had known, deep down, that the metaphorical cocoon he and David had existed in for the last weeks or so would have to burst eventually, but it still hurts when he notices the first cracks. </p><p>Somehow, he had found David, and let himself be found by him, and once they’d moved past his own initial awkwardness and David’s tendency to doubt Matteo was actually into him, both admitting that whatever they’d stumbled upon was <em> real </em> , they had spent the following weeks close together, rarely too far away to touch. And it had been <em> good </em> . Matteo couldn’t remember having anything like it before, and now, he would sometimes stop in the middle of a sentence just to <em> look </em> at him, trace his hand over David’s neck, gently scratching the hairs at the back of it, and David would still give him this look of surprise, not saying anything until Matteo would pick up the conversation again.</p><p>And yeah, there had been nights when they’d both been too restless to sleep, and Matteo’s body had been so heavy from it, and David’s careful touch against the shell of his ear had been enough for Matteo breathe out something about being <em> off </em> sometimes into his pillow, and David had just stroked away the hair from his face to kiss him on the forehead, and Matteo had snuggled closer so that his head had been tucked in under David’s chin, and the comfort had been enough for him to forget about his silent confession and fall asleep.</p><p>So, in a way, he knew David knew that he wasn’t completely okay, but whispering something in the dim light of his bedroom and letting David see the actual symptoms were wildly different things, and even Matteo was smart enough to know not to shine a light on his deepest flaws this early into whatever he and David had - they hadn’t even declared themselves boyfriends yet, not officially, even though he could’ve sworn David had mumbled that very word in his sleep, making Matteo’s heart burst with something warm and safe.</p><p>But David still smiled so softly around him, and Matteo was afraid of losing the way his eyes shone like gold before leaning in to kiss him, or lose the way he wasn’t afraid to wrestle Matteo whenever he found him annoying just to make out when Matteo inevitably would lose their pretend fight. Their existence was dreamlike, and wonderful, and Matteo would do almost anything not to taint it with the grime his brain currently drowned him in, heavy and slow and polluting.</p><p>He had sensed something being wrong going to bed alone last night, maybe even earlier than that, when David had just jumped on his bike to get back to his and Laura’s place, but it hadn’t felt definite until he’d woken up in the middle of the night with a slow ache in his body, an ache that was still there when he’d woken up again around 11 at the sound of his phone ringing. He hadn’t even checked it, just turned off the sound and fallen back to sleep, feeling too heavy to stay awake. Now, though, he looks at the screen while blinking at the sharp light from the windows, and realises he has a bit too many unanswered texts.</p><p> </p><p>From: Amira<br/>
12.36 </p><p>
  <em> Everything okay?<br/>
<br/>
</em>
</p><p>Matteo frowns a bit at that, his mind still foggy, before scrolling down further to earlier texts, noticing almost all of them are from David.</p><p> </p><p>From: David</p><p>09.02</p><p>
  <em> Really missed not waking up beside u. Slept well?<br/>
<br/>
</em>
</p><p>09.29</p><p>
  <em> I’m guessing you’re still at your appointment thing. hope it’s going well x</em>
</p><p><br/>
11.07</p><p>
  <em> Are you okay? Did anything happen?<br/>
<br/>
</em>
</p><p>12:23</p><p>
  <em> Sorry if I’m annoying, just let me know you’re safe? Did i do something? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Matteo’s eyes feel dry and aching as he rubs his face with his hands, wishing he could hide inside his own palms, stay in the darkness they provide. His hair feels gross when he forcibly pushes it away from his face, feeling like the tickling sensation of loose strands of hairs against his face is too much, like he needs to scratch his skin really badly. </p><p>Shit.</p><p>Before he can even begin to get himself together, his phone vibrates.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>From: Amira<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> David texted me, he seemed worried about you </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He realises he should probably text her back, first, because he can’t lie to either of them, but Amira already knows a bit about this, and he thinks she wouldn’t tell David if he asked her. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>To: Amira<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m okay, just really tired </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She usually reads him well enough to see through his vague messages, and Matteo guesses that if Amira wants to tell David anything, she would just repeat Matteo’s words, letting him interpret them on his own. It’s not on her to make sure her brother’s best friend, who happens to date her lazy biology partner, knows what’s up.</p><p>It takes a while before his phone screen lights up again, and at that point, there’s already a gnawing anxiety building up inside his chest, seeping through his limbs.</p><p> </p><p>From: David<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m really sorry if i fucked up, call me when u feel like it </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Matteo stares at the words for a while, and the only thing he can feel is <em> numb. </em>It’s almost like he’s witnessing someone taking a hammer to their safe cocoon, making the crack he’d noticed the night before big enough for their entire world to shatter, leaving them exposed and vulnerable, and all he can do is just continue to watch the havock.</p><p> </p><p>It takes two days of being in and out of sleep, drinking water that makes his mouth taste disgusting but forcing it down just to take his meds, and not remembering if his trip to the kitchen in the middle of the night actually happened or was just a part of one of his anxious dreams, before he hears from David again.</p><p><br/>
From: David</p><p>11:05<br/>
<em><br/>
I know i said i would back off but i really miss u, can we please talk and sort it out<br/>
<br/>
</em></p><p>11:13 <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> fuck sorry to bother u but i miss u so bad, matteo<br/>
</em>
</p><p>His fingers are trembling as he tries to send a message, not even sure what to say that could fix anything, and he curses at himself as his screen goes black again when he’s taken too long, making him unlock it again.</p><p>It takes him almost half an hour to convince himself to actually write back, and silence the part of him that thinks that David is better off without this <em> mess </em>, but eventually, he actually manages to press ‘send’.</p><p> </p><p>To: David</p><p>
  <em> Can you come over? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He stares at the screen until he can see the message being marked as ‘read’, and he can feel his body being drained of energy as he breathes out, closing his eyes when he realises they still hurt. He doesn’t even bother to move from where he’s sitting on his bed, in sweats and a t-shirt that’s enough to let anyone know he hasn’t left his room for days, and hasn’t bothered to change any of the times he’d gotten up.</p><p>“Matteo?”</p><p>His voice sounds different, and Matteo thinks for a second that maybe it’s just because he hasn’t heard it for a while. It takes him another second to realise David’s voice is drained in uncertainty.</p><p>“Yeah” Matteo whispers, and he winces at how sore he sounds, how broken his voice is.</p><p>It’s enough, though, because suddenly the door opens a little, and David’s standing in the doorway to his room, glancing around at the obvious mess before focusing on Matteo.</p><p>He looks like he wants to ask if he’s okay, but it’s too obvious that he isn’t.</p><p>Instead, David lets out a shaking sigh, looking so small and so far away from Matteo’s bed, before taking in a more steady breath.</p><p>“Can I sit?”</p><p>Without even thinking, Matteo nods, moving a little to make room for another body next to him, before having the mental awareness to panic about David getting close enough to realise how his skin probably reeks, how everything about him reveals how shitty he feels.</p><p>“Did something happen?” David mumbles as soon as he’s gotten closer, and Matteo just notices how they’re still not touching, thinking about how David must think he’s too gross but being too polite to move away from him.</p><p>“It gets like this” Matteo starts, knowing he won’t be able to finish his sentence because the words are so <em> heavy </em> , and his mouth still tastes weird, and even with David’s presence, his body feels <em> exhausted. </em></p><p>“Okay” David whispers, then, slowly, his hand gently covers Matteo’s over the duvet, making small, soothing circles over his skin. “Is this okay?”</p><p>“Mm” Matteo hums, and he’s pretty sure he can feel tears as he closes his eyes, but there’s nothing in him left to care.</p><p>“I was afraid I hurt you” David breathes out, his hand no longer touching Matteo’s, and when Matteo opens his eyes to look at him, he sees the warmth he’s always seen in David’s eyes being replaced by something else, something that feels so far from <em> David </em> that his heart aches. </p><p>So, Matteo just shakes his head, slowly, feeling how his tears trail down to his cheeks, not able to say anything yet. Then, he burrows his face into David’s shoulder, making the tears stain the soft fabric of David’s clean hoodie, contaminating him with the grime he still thinks is visible on him if you look close enough, if anyone just pried him open.</p><p>David doesn’t, though.</p><p>“Do you want me to stay?” David mumbles into the side of his head, and Matteo barely manages to nod where he’s still hiding his face close to David’s neck, but the slight sob leaving his body seems enough for David to get the hint.</p><p>“Then I’ll stay,” he whispers, before kissing the top of his head, and Matteo wonders if maybe David is immune, if he can’t see the warning signs or if he’s just reckless enough to ignore them.</p><p>He doesn’t know how long they’ve sat there when he moves back again just to look at him, but there’s a wet spot on David’s hoodie where Matteo’s face had been, and when he finally looks into David’s eyes again, he just looks calm, like Matteo has nothing to worry about.</p><p>“Do you want to sleep?” David offers, and Matteo can feel relief washing through him as he realises that David isn’t going anywhere, and before he can make sure he hasn’t read anything wrong, David is already taking off his hoodie and throwing it aside, then gently gesturing to Matteo’s sweatpants as if to ask if he wants to change before bed, too.</p><p>“I need to brush my teeth” Matteo mumbles, not sure his voice is loud enough for anyone to hear, but David nods like it’s simple, like this, right here, is something ordinary, an everyday occurance, and when Matteo is about to apologise for being like this, David’s fingers slowly tuck away hairs that have fallen into Matteo’s face again, and Matteo’s every thought process are washed away, disintegrated. </p><p>“Let’s brush our teeth” David agrees, carefully kissing the side of Matteo’s mouth before reaching out to grab his hand, and Matteo feels his own fingers wrap around his, never wanting to let go.</p><p> </p>
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